Learning from illicit Jelly Tots
I still remember the first time I ate dessert before dinner.
I say desert but it was actually a packet of Jelly Tots that I'd bought to have after one of my early student meal creations (tuna pasta bake).
I remember hearing my mother's voice in my ear telling me I couldn't and secretly doing a little two fingers up in my head as I tore into those little sugary buggers.
The realisation I was in charge and responsible for my own decisions was both liberating and scary.
Being in the driving seat meant I couldn't blame anyone else if all the bad things happened (teeth will fall out, ruin my dinner etc). It also meant that decisions were mine to make based on what I wanted to do and what Idecided was best for me.
This realisation of being in charge can happen at any point when someone is digging deep to work out what's next for them in their career.
I recently had a whip-smart, high-achieving associate lawyer in my coaching space who was frustrated that she just couldn't break through and make partner.
As the conversation progressed, I noticed some of her language was based around what her parents wanted (she was 52). I asked her what she wanted and she burst out crying saying she wanted to be a teacher! The realisation, at the age of 52, that she'd been slogging away at a career she hated to please others was a shocker and although it took a while to regroup and rethink, she's now working her way through how she can exit law and do something that plays way more to her strengths.
And that story isn't so unusual. I see it all the time.
It's not always parents, sometimes it's a boss (or a series of bosses) who guide and steer your career. Other times it's a partner, who has a lot of say in where you go next and sometimes it's society, which creates in you a vague expectation that you should be doing something-or-other next.
So who's in charge in your career?
Are you living someone else's dream or missed opportunity?
Look back over your career and think about pivotal decisions:
• who were they made for
• who did you have to please or even pay back?
• Are there any points you handed off control to someone else?
It's not too late to put yourself back in charge.
I'm not dismissing the fact that often it's not just about you and there are others to consider but is now time to put your hand up and say what it is that you want that will make you fulfilled and living life as you plan it (and stick two fingers up to that voice in your head telling you no)?