The Art of Putting Yourself First
Selfishness is defined by Merriam Webster as:
"Concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others".
It's no wonder that people get uncomfortable when I ask them, "How would life be if you put yourself first?".
They think I mean, "How would life be if you were a selfish spoiled brat?" and immediately feel guilty even considering how it could be if career choices were made based what they want and need.
Putting yourself first does not necessarily harm others in the process.
In fact, it can be of huge benefit to those around you.
Think about the family where mum is super stressed, miserable and sad to get out of bed and face another day slogging away in a career that drains her and leaves her unfulfilled; that's an unhappy household for everyone. Mum fulfilling her career ambitions can lift a huge amount of stress and anguish in the house, even if there might be other pay-offs to weigh the change against.
Or what about the son who's made it all the way to law firm Partner, making excellent bragging material for proud parents, but breaks down crying frequently, having a constant gnawing feeling that he really can't do this for another 20 odd years?
How proud would the parents be if they knew what went on when the door is closed?
What if the son follows his years long ambition to launch his own business and make his parents proud in ways they don't know about yet and, importantly, gives him a feeling that a huge part of his life is satisfying and fulfilling?
After all, whose life is this?
Are you putting yourself first in your career right now?
Succesful career activists often come to the conclusion that in order to create a working life they want, they now have to put themselves first.
Perhaps you've come this far putting others' needs, wants and dreams ahead of your own. And maybe that's served you well up to now. And maybe it's time to take a step back and consider the next chapter of your career.
What is it that you want? And can you get this whilst still fulfilling the needs of others around you or realising that your needs are more important now?
Maybe you don't know what you want and the power has been out of your hands for so long that you don't know where to start. Try asking yourself:
How do I want people to talk about me when I no longer walk this earth?
What kind of things am I doing where time passes without me noticing?
What change do I want to affect in this world?
What's important to me in life?
What energises me?
Of course, you're not the only person in your ecosystem so it's important to get the practicalities straight too:
What does my family need to survive and thrive?
Does it have to continue this way just because it's been done like this so far?
Are there other ways to restructure our household income/outgoings so that my career can be more choiceful at this point?
What might me and my family have to give up so that I am happier/more fulfilled/able to invest in something new now to reap rewards later?
Sometimes it feels like there's no choice at all in how the next part of your career plays out and it's only when you take a step back and zoom out to look at the overall picture can you start to then zoom in to each area of life and work out if indeed there are choices to be made.
You will often find that there are options to put yourself first, to create a different way of working that will give you more of what you want and need and that will ultimately create a positive ripple effect in the lives of those you love.