Energy Vampires at Work: How Mid Career Professionals Can Protect Their Wellbeing

If you’re a mid career professional feeling drained by difficult colleagues, you’re not alone. Energy vampires – those people who leave you feeling depleted after every interaction – can seriously impact both your wellbeing and career progression. As someone who’s coached hundreds of professionals through workplace challenges, I’ve seen how toxic relationships can derail even the most competent careers. Here’s how to identify these energy drains and protect your professional vitality.

One grey, rainy morning, Jane Doe burst into the small office I shared with just her and dramatically pointed at her head.

“Look at the state of it! Stupid woman’s totally ruined my head”.

I cried, silently, and knew that it was going to be one of those days, feeling too de-energised to notice the millimetre too much Jane’s hairdresser had cut from her fringe. I took out my penknife and carved a little line into the wall, to go with the now hundreds of little 5 bar gates already there (I didn’t do that but I remember it feeling like that).

We’ve all got at least one person in our life that sucks the soul out of us through our face holes.

You tend to ignore their calls wherever possible. You leave a conversation with them feeling drained. You feel like the relationship is very one sided and you ‘get nothing back’.

The Hidden Cost of Energy Vampires on Career Growth

Anything and anyone that takes away from your precious time and energy is draining resource that you could be spending on activities and people who promote your wellbeing and career development. When you’re constantly managing difficult relationships, you have less capacity for the strategic thinking and relationship building that actually advances your professional development.

It’s so easy for me to say ditch these people when, in reality, some of them are our family, in our friendship group or colleagues we’re obliged to share space with (see above).

So what are your options for dealing with your energy vampires?

The Professional Network Audit: Identifying Energy Vampires and Career Champions

Firstly, do a network audit so it doesn’t all look so bleak.

Who are your energy vampires?

Who are the people who fill you with energy?

Which people provide balance in your relationship with them?

Who actively supports your growth and celebrates your wins?

Raising awareness of both the Stealers and the Healers you surround yourself with is a great starting point. This kind of strategic network analysis is crucial for mid career professionals who want to build career capital whilst protecting their wellbeing.

Strategies for Managing Difficult People at Work

Now to action. Of the Stealers:

Who could you cut?

A client of mine, through coaching, realised that some of his energy vampires were a group of three old colleagues he’d meet almost every week for after work drinks. Not only were these people quite negative and mocking of him looking to progress his career but he’d drink so much trying to keep up with the rounds that he’d feel rough as old boots the next day at work.

Lockdown had given him a forced break from this but when business as usual resumed, he found himself drawn back in.

He found courage to let them know he was no longer drinking so much during the week and he stopped going. Ciao vampires!!

Who could you simply phase out?

A surprising number of people, when auditing their network, realise that they actively keep in touch with the vampires. And what’s the first rule of vampire slaying? Don’t invite them in!

You can choose to be less available, not make the first move and that way minimise or even stop your interactions with this person.

Setting Boundaries with Colleagues You Can’t Avoid

What about situations where you can’t cut or phase out?

Now it’s time to set boundaries.

For me, in retrospect, I could’ve asked to move offices or spoken to Jane about my need for some chunks of silence during the day so I could concentrate (she did it for around 6 hours on a bad day).

If I’d known then what I know now I might have suggested we work in ‘pomodoro’ chunks to try to manage and regulate conversation between us.

If it’s a friend or a relative who drains you then you might get clearer about your boundaries when speaking with that person:

“I’d love to speak to you today but I have some things I need to focus on – I can call you in a couple of days.”

“I’d prefer not to have phone calls after 9 as it’s my time to wind down before bed.”

What else do you need to say?

Building Your Energy-Giving Professional Network

And let’s not forget the other reason you did the network audit. Hooray for the Healers!

How are you making sure that you spend as much of your people time as possible with those who do you good? Those who support your career plans, throw opportunities your way, help you make sense of your next moves?

Sometimes the energy drain is so advanced that we feel like it’s due to being around people, when in fact, some of those people would pep you right back up!

Professional development isn’t just about building skills – it’s about building relationships with people who energise and support your growth. The Network dial of career development recognises that who you surround yourself with directly impacts your career trajectory.

Reach out to your energisers, tell them what they mean to you. Make a pledge to yourself to see them and talk to them more. Hell, why not get out there in the world and find a few more of them to add to your collection!?

Managing your professional energy isn’t selfish – it’s essential career activism. When you protect your wellbeing and surround yourself with the right people, you create the conditions for sustainable career growth without burning out.